Life By Kristen

Go, and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things come of it. – Little Women

Archive for the category “All About Me”

07 Apr 2015
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Morning Routines

I never used to be a morning person, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the morning for its quiet, its slow pace, and for the opportunities it has that often don’t come at any other time of the day.

During the work week, my mornings are all on the same schedule, mostly because I feel tired and half asleep, so doing the same thing in relatively same order helps my brain wake up and get to work. Q wakes up a good hour or so before me to work out in our basement so often his alarm helps me to slowly get out of the sleep zone. When my alarm goes off at 6, I usually hit snooze at least once, though if I hear the whine of the treadmill from the basement, I know it’s time to hop in the shower. I always shower first because Q is a hot water hog ( he would say this himself so it’s not like I’m dissing him here!) I tend to plan an outfit while I’m in the shower or sometimes even at the beginning of the work week if I know I have something important going on where I need to look halfway decent and professional. I’ve been pretty lazy the past few months when it comes to doing my hair ( the glories of it being longer now!), so unless I’m blow drying, I’m usually showered, dressed, and makeup-ed within 20 or so minutes of getting up. Then it’s coffee, lunches, checking on supplies for dinner, and out the door by 7a. We run a pretty efficient morning at our place!

I’m usually the first one in my office, which is the thing I love the most about my work day. Even with a 45 minute commute to wake up the brain, I crave the quiet time at my desk to go through emails, catch up on the news, and get ready for the day. Even on lazy weekend mornings, I love that time in the morning when I get to read the newspaper on the iPad with coffee, look at blogs or the book of face, and so on.

In the past few years, I’ve tried to not be too wedded to a routine, as I want to leave room for exploring and spontaneity in life, especially since I’m probably one of the least spontaneous people, but having my mornings the way I like them makes me the most happy, feeding my curious mind and often inspiring me for the day.

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02 Apr 2015
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Losing a Parent

If we’re facebook friends, you may have noticed that I posted this article yesterday from NPR. I actually heard the interview on my commute into work yesterday morning and it left me with that overwhelming, emotional feeling that only comes with the understanding people who have lost a parent(s) feel. Even if you have not endured this grief, I’m sure you’ve lost someone in your life and I think many of the things Scott Simon say here are true of all types of loss.

What hit me the most from the interview- and the thing that brought me to tears while driving- was the idea that we never really grow up until we lose a parent. It’s something I’ve felt since December 2013 when I lost my Dad- and something I struggled to articulate, even though life changed that day forever. It’s amazing to me how the struggle through grief is both so different and so similar for people– I didn’t lose my father to a long illness like Simon did with his mother, nor did we have a complicated family history that was discussed over the last few days of his life. Yet, we share the same sense of loss, growing up, and realizing the shift in life that happened the day our parent was gone.

I also really relate with the line about how our parents pour the best parts of themselves into us. I always joked around that I got my father’s stubbornness, but I also got so many of his incredible qualities too- creativity, kindness, humor. In a cynical world where so many people blame their upbringing, parents, family, and so on for all their issues in life, I’m reminded to be grateful once again for the amazing pieces of his personality he passed on to me ( and even for the stubbornness sometimes too!)

The other thing about losing a parent that has sort of surprised me is, honestly, that I didn’t realize how many of my peers had similar experiences. Maybe it’s because it’s a tough thing to bring up, or because prior to losing my father, it wasn’t even something on my radar, which is sort of strange since my Dad’s father died at 67, which is certainly young– but maybe because my Dad and aunt were older than I am now, it didn’t register in the same way. I was also 15 and the family, though grieving, worked hard to keep things ‘normal’ for my brother and I. But now I’m part of this club– a club we all wish we were not a part of– that knows the difficulty that comes with holidays, but also knows the random moments of sadness that are often all encompassing and feel like a heavy coat, no matter the time passed from the death.

This club’s members don’t want to be in it, but are grateful for the kindness of others who are there. Even when someone’s parent passes at an elderly age or after a long, excruciating illness, you still support through the grief, no matter how anticipated it might have been. Loss and change are hard to work through and make sense of– Cheryl Strayed (of Wild fame, who lost her mom to cancer) wrote in one of her Dear Sugar letters to another woman who lost her mother, that it would never be okay that they were motherless. And it’s true. No matter the circumstances of death, losing one of the parents who put you on this earth, gave you love, and a home –heck even if they didn’t give you the latter two– is a tough thing to go through. But we’re in it together, growing up as we grieve along.

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01 Apr 2015

Enter April

April 1- hard to believe since it still feels like winter here in New England.

A new month and a lot going on- Easter, some work things, my first Providence Lady Project Summit, and getting ready for my brother’s wedding in May. I’m anxious to get outside and start gardening, working on house projects, and walking outside after work again.

With the start of the new month, I’m looking back on some of the goals and plans I set for myself at the beginning of the year. I think I’m doing really well with my theme of cultivate. I am writing almost every night in my personal journal. As an aside, in searching for photos of my grandfather and Dad, I came across my collection of old journals. It seems strange to hold on to them, but also cannot even fathom getting rid of them. What do you all do with your old journals/diaries?

We are doing AWESOME at meal planning and not wasting food. I’m really proud of Q and I for being proactive about using up what we have and thinking ahead. It has helped me not get super stressed at the grocery store and making dinner. That said, I am very excited that we can now find our grill now that the feet of snow are gone because Q can start grilling dinners again. I definitely have cold weather cooking fatigue.

I’m doing well with yoga, walking on treadmill after work– now that the weather has changed, I am antsy to walk outside, both at work on lunch break and after work  at home. The longest winter ever has made me so itchy to be outside all the time. I forsee us spending more hours out in our backyard than ever before this year.

The frigid winter has helped me accomplish some goals inside- new curtains purchased and installed for sunroom, lots of movies knocked off the watch list. I’m doing OK with reading from my own shelf- I did a purge of books from there ( things I was holding onto from grad school in particular) and feel like the books I have are ones I am actually interested in. The only problem I seem to be having is that reading from my own shelf makes me a bit of a lazy reader– when I get a book from the library, I feel the pressure to read it as fast as I can so it can go onto the next reader, especially if I waited a while for it to begin with.

With Lent ending with Easter this weekend, I have thought a lot about spiritual life, but haven’t been to church. I pray on a fairly regular basis, but this is one area which I do want to make an effort to cultivate more.

Overall, I’m feeling good about where I am in life, though still complaining about the weather!

 

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30 Mar 2015
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Wanting More or Thinking Too Much?

My busiest time of year at work is over. I survived, though not without my fair share of long days and stressful moments. Every year I tend to deal with the stress differently, but this year a work-related trip got thrown in right before the exhibit and museum opened for the season, so there was a whole other level of busy to keep my on my toes.

Post-exhibit opening I always go into cleaning, purging, reflection mode. Perhaps this is because I avoid most of these things completely when I’m installing an exhibit- I do the bare minimum of cleaning in office and at home, rely on Q for cooking and grocery shopping, and bookmark/save articles, to do items, etc. for when the dust settles and I feel I can breathe again. It’s not the best cycle of life to cram a few month’s work into a few weeks, but it’s the nature of the work and honestly, I sort of like that. I like the reliability of the schedule, I like knowing when to expect the busy/stressful times, and most of all, it’s a bit of an adrenaline rush.

Post-exhibit opening time began this past weekend with feverish cleaning of random things like my teakettle, under couch cushions, and hanging curtains. The slow down in life also gives me space to think and journal in a more coherent way, which I need, but also often leads to existential life crises on Sunday mornings. This happens not infrequently on Sunday mornings because that’s when I sit down to read The New York Times or blog posts I’ve been saving. Reading about all the amazing things people are doing in the world makes me feel itchy with my reality, and wanting more. Q has come to expect that while drinking coffee and reading papers, I will probably forever question whatever it is I am doing in life.

It’s not so much a discontent with life, job, or anything in particular, as it is this sort of desire to want more, to learn more, and to be more. I know that I am enough, but there is a spark inside me that always seeks out something else. I think that’s the curse/blessing of being a curious person– I’m also seeking for more knowledge, whether it be in learning about a particular event in history that interests me or continually engaging in a process of self-discovery. It also leads me to think whether this is a female problem or if there are men who are equally antsy with life. Q has said before in one of my many rants about life/learning/seeking something new, that I think too much and just need to stop and focus on one thing. I am certainly guilty of this and my multiple browser tabs, long list of books/blogs to read, and so much more are evidence of my vast, and often, changing interests.

Part of my recovery as an overachiever is learning to become comfortable with this discomfort– putting confidence into the desire to do more, know more, find new challenges, and so on. The learning and discovery process is what excites me– I just need to learn how to focus that discovery into meaningful ways that will bring me satisfaction instead of feeling pulled into so many directions without any clear idea of what I want.

 

Posted in All About Me
09 Mar 2015

Spring, I Love You

Spring, I’m super excited to see you.

Changing the clocks forward yesterday totally screwed with my brain. I’m attributing it to the fact that Little Man woke up at his normal 8AM time on Sunday, except that in my sleep mode, that meant it was 7AM. It made me cranky for a good portion of the morning which led to an afternoon nap, which totally threw off my night and sleeping. Gosh, is there anything more boring then reading about time change and a person’s sleep schedule?

In any case, I’ve never been so happy for spring to be on the horizon. As with every other New Englander, this winter sucked. I’m sorry if you like winter because I hated on it big time this year– and I’m usually a winter fan! Without a doubt, I can say I had seasonal affective disorder (SAD) this winter. I think I may have suffered in tiny ways from this in the past, but this year it hit me in a big, noticeable way. I rarely went out after work, my weekend down time was mostly spent indoors or running errands, and the general blah feeling was more regular than in the past winters. I was definitely irritable and there was definitely at least one snowstorm where I had crazy cabin fever, almost to the point of tears.

This winter taught me a very important lesson- take a vacation to somewhere warm(er) at some point in the middle of the winter mess. Probably in February, since that seems to be the point where I can’t take it anymore. Also, winter is the time to try to tackle indoor house activities that excite me, even if in the tiniest way. Hibernating with movies got old real fast and because I was already taken over by the SAD and blahs, I didn’t want to do much but waste away on the couch. Note to self for next winter: plan projects and lots of fun time. We didn’t even have people come to the house for dinner or game nights because it seemed it snowed or someone was sick or whatever. Heck, Q& I rarely played any games just the two of us.

Winter slayed us, yes. But this past Saturday, it was sunny and over freezing, which meant that my amazing sun room was filled with light and warmth. It truly embodied my happy place– I have been waiting so long to be able to go sit out there with a book. It was one of those perfect relaxing days when the sun just makes everything seem better. Sure, spring will bring allergies for me, but I’ve never been so excited to see potholes, mud, and to be sneezing. This spring I really feel like I’m coming out of a shell and into a new time in life.

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04 Mar 2015
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32

Birthdays have never been a huge deal to me, even as a kid. Everyone has one, each year passes whether you celebrate it or not. I prefer to take each birthday as a reminder to be kind and gentle with myself, which is why I take every birthday off from work, if possible ( ps- if I ever run a company, employees will get their birthdays off as if it were their own personal national holiday).

As I celebrate another year today, I’m spending it away from work. I’m sleeping late, getting a massage, and enjoying an afternoon reading, to be topped off by some time with Q tonight and yoga. Sunday I celebrated with my family with a truly delicious dinner. It’s lowkey and lovely, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

A lot of people spend time on their birthdays, especially milestone years, thinking about where they are at in life and how it compares with what they thought they would be at that age. I learned long ago that this exercise, for me, is futile. Instead I like to look at how far I’ve come, what I’ve accomplished, and where I’m going. I’m not just talking about career, money, or love life, but in general terms of being a good person, honoring who I am, and doing what brings me joy.

Where did I think I would be at this age? I actually have no idea. I’d have to go into my treasure trove of old journals and diaries to see if I had any future predictions in there for this age range– which as a side note, I don’t think I can do. Something about rereading through emotional distress and angst gives me a weird feeling. Maybe someday–over wine of course.

At 32, I like to think I’m doing pretty well. I’m blessed with good health, an amazing partner, a loving support network of family and friends. I am employed, own my own house and car, have food on the table, and even though I have some debt, it doesn’t cripple my life or limit too many of my choices in the everyday sense. I am a truly blessed and grateful human being.

I try to do the right thing for me, my family, and my situation as much as I can, whether it be in small acts like letting a driver cut in during traffic or speaking my mind for what I believe strongly in at a work meeting. I try to be kind, limit my complaining and snarkiness, and overall try to think of other people. I don’t always succeed and some days it’s quite hard, but that’s part of the business of being human.

So here’s to another year– this one seems filled more than ever with unknowns and “we’ll sees.” Maybe we’ll remodel the kitchen and redo the house a bit to stay there longer. Maybe I’ll amp up freelance work so much I can support myself in a career. Maybe we’ll expand our family. Maybe I’ll join the circus. Oh who am I kidding- this is the circus! And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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24 Feb 2015
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Clearing Out

Like so many of you, I have been making a real effort in all aspects of my life to cut out the junk. Unsubscribing from emails, cleaning out my blog reader, deleting my work fax from spam lists, and so on. I’ve also been making a conscious effort to buy less, but also buy better. This goes for everything from work pants to spinach.

Part of this urge to purge stems from the Great House Cleanouts of 2014, but it’s not just about physical stuff, but more about mental space, emotional connection, and a desire to just focus on what’s important.

I’m also trying to limit what I interact with and where- I deleted my work email from my at home iPad; I don’t have any apps/games on my iPhone other than email; I’m trying very hard to not multitask with the iPad when watching movies with Q or Little Man.

I’m not quite a minimalist in terms of having only 33 items of clothes in my closet or owning only enough of something to cover the people in the household ( we have a lot of towels because we’re lazy and have a hatred for laundry, for example). I think of it more as being a more conscious consumer and thinking about what I really want and need. In the past few months, I’ve spent a lot of time online shopping and placing a bunch of stuff in  my cart, and walking away. Something about the feel of the hunt for a bargain, without actually purchasing, was enough for me. I’m also remembering that by not buying another sweater or pair of work pants, I’m investing in myself by helping to pay down debt.

In 2015, my theme is to cultivate, and I’m finding that by being more aware of what I wear, eat, bring into the house, read, and consume every way– goes towards my cultivating relationships- with my partner, our family, my coworkers, myself. There’s so much noise and banter out there, but by making a conscious effort to pay attention to what I’m doing, buying, seeing, and so on- I’m cultivating my place in the world to be something of a bit more meaning to me.

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23 Feb 2015

Something New: Anti-Gravity Yoga

I’m not a super adventurous gal, but I enjoy trying something new every now and again. So when I saw that a newly formed local gals group, Rhode Explorers, was getting going with an intro class in anti-gravity yoga, I thought it would be just what I needed to fight some of the winter blues and cabin fever.

So this past Saturday I joined a group of truly fabulous females at Raffa Yoga in Cranston, RI. I was very impressed with the facility, the instructor ( who is a rock star), and how wonderful all the gals were- it was a lot of fun and I felt welcomed, truly enjoying myself.

The class was a lot harder than I thought it would be– in fact, I was surprised at how much my body wasn’t letting me do while I was in the class. I thought my flexibility from my regular yoga practice, cardio work, and strength training I’ve been doing over the past year had made a real difference i my body/health ( which they have), but it definitely made me realize how weak my core is! The practice is definitely more of an ab builder than regular yoga, but I was impressed by how having the stability of the hammock helped extend my flexibility with some poses from yoga like half-moon or triangle. The upside-down hanging was a weird sensation for sure, but it was also really interesting to feel how the body stretches and reacts differently too. Of course, pulling myself back up from hanging to get to seated or floating within the hammocks was some of the most strenuous stuff. A lot of us gals were saying it was a lot harder than we thought it would be!

It was great to challenge myself physically, but I also went out on a limb a bit by going to the class alone, instead of waiting to sign up for when I had a friend to come with me. I’m glad I did it because everyone was so welcoming and warm, with lots of support and laughter from everyone, no matter the abilities or strength of any one person.

Yoga1.xlarger

Image via here

 

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13 Feb 2015

Winter Blues, Go Away!

I don;t even know how much snow is outside my window right now, but it’s enough. Plus a possible foot more this weekend. And today’s high is 11 degrees I believe. So.Over.Winter.

I don’t want to be another person who is moody and complaining about the winter, but here we are. I don’t think I’ve ever had this much cabin fever/winter blues before- honestly, I think almost everyone I encounter has it. We’re all sick of this and with spring only 35 days away, it can’t come soon enough. The actual weather is making me this way, but I also think the interruption into normal life is the other thing really getting me down.

I haven’t had a full week of work since the week of January 5th. Between holidays, snow days, and planned days off, the past few weeks have been anything but normal. As much as the five-day work week that awaits me the week of February 23rd is going to be painful, I’m sort of looking forward to a return to ‘normal’ and a more regular schedule.

It’s not that I live by a schedule, though my trusty planner is definitely one of my most needed/valued items in my life. Having some sort of structure and organization to my day helps my brain stay focused and disciplined; if I only think about something I want to do without writing it down- either on a calendar or to-do list- it won’t get done. There’s some writing/thinking combo that makes my brain work well. It’s something I relied on back when in school– the very act of writing notes, vocab lists, and so on would help me to commit facts and bits of info to memory in some way. I know this has an actual psych/science term, but I can’t remember it ( probably because I didn’t write it down!)

In any case, the constant cold, the endless cycle of snow and shoveling, the rescheduling and canceling of meetings, yoga, and appointments have thrown me all off skew– it’s been a wacky few weeks. I’m sure someone could analyze this as my lack of spontaneity and ability to roll with the punches,and that’s probably a bit true, but honestly, it’s just the insanity of it all. How many freaking times can it snow?!?!

What am I doing about it? I’m doing all the things the experts say you should do- exercise, stay positive, get outside, etc. I’m trying to not be a lump on the log during the snow days and embrace some inside time to get things done like going through paperwork, cleaning, and so on. It’s been hard for me to feel like I can take that indoor time to be creative though with painting or writing ( hence the lack of blogging) because this positivity strategy is only working about 50% of the time. The other 50% I am cranky and begging Q to take me out to dinner or to go sit in a coffee shop for an hour instead of being home. With this 3 day weekend coming up and more snow in the forecast, I’m determined to get out of the house at least a little bit or I might climb the walls.

Send warm thoughts my way!

 

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03 Feb 2015
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I Never Want to be the Evil Stepmother

I don’t talk a whole lot about my personal life here for a number of reasons, but mostly I’m very protective of the people in my life, especially Q and Little Man. I try hard to keep things in life out of the internet world, but realize too that this little corner of the world is my space for sharing and connecting, so I’m trying to find a good balance.

I’ve been with Q about 2 years now and in that short time together we’ve weathered through many things that other couples may not face in decades together. We’ve struggled through job losses, money issues, divorce/custody battles, death, and everything in between. It’s proven to me the value and strength of our feelings for each other, but also that when you’re with the right person, the toughest things in life can be bearable with them beside you.

Q and I were together about a year before I met Little Man. It was important to us that we felt solid as a couple before introducing me to his son– I didn’t want to be a random girlfriend to his 5 year old, and he didn’t want me to meet him unless we were sure this was something serious. It’s a decision I’m very proud we made together. Q moved in around the same time that I met Little Man, but we didn’t make a room for his son at the house for a few months because we wanted his son to feel comfortable having me around. The first few weekends were tough with lots of calls out in the night for Daddy and plenty of time ignoring me, but slowly, he came to trust and enjoy time with me. We even have a morning routine of just him and I where we get up early and watch cartoons together. It’s some of my most treasured moments of my week.

I never thought I’d be in this position–  up until a few years ago, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to have children of my own. But now that I’ve had this kid in my life for just over a year, I cannot imagine him not being in it because his time with us has become so seamless and part of our routine. Every two weeks I make sure I have his favorite snack ( CheezeIts), plenty of cheese and bread for grilled cheese, and chocolate syrup to achieve the most chocolate of milk. Having a 6 year old little boy has relaxed me in caring about the housework or clutter around the house. I’ve never been so happy to have a giant cardboard box living in the sun room for 3 months.

And it’s not easy- he’s a little boy who basically understands why his parents are not together anymore, and it has affected him for sure. There’s plenty of issues related to co-parenting and figuring out what’s best for Little Man, but so many of these are temporary phases related to his age and development. Q will probably have disagreements with his ex about the best way to raise him until he’s 18. But as the ‘bonus person’ in Little Man’s life, I try to keep my status strictly as his buddy, because of course, I’m not his stepmom nor do I call myself that ( I don’t have title at moment– he calls me by my name with everyone, which is much better than ‘Daddy’s friend’ from last year). I’m in “charge” sometimes when Q goes out for a run or does a house project, but I defer to Q on all matters right now because that’s what feels right. I want him to know with me he always has my support and listening ear, just another person on this earth to love and care for him.

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