I Never Want to be the Evil Stepmother
I don’t talk a whole lot about my personal life here for a number of reasons, but mostly I’m very protective of the people in my life, especially Q and Little Man. I try hard to keep things in life out of the internet world, but realize too that this little corner of the world is my space for sharing and connecting, so I’m trying to find a good balance.
I’ve been with Q about 2 years now and in that short time together we’ve weathered through many things that other couples may not face in decades together. We’ve struggled through job losses, money issues, divorce/custody battles, death, and everything in between. It’s proven to me the value and strength of our feelings for each other, but also that when you’re with the right person, the toughest things in life can be bearable with them beside you.
Q and I were together about a year before I met Little Man. It was important to us that we felt solid as a couple before introducing me to his son– I didn’t want to be a random girlfriend to his 5 year old, and he didn’t want me to meet him unless we were sure this was something serious. It’s a decision I’m very proud we made together. Q moved in around the same time that I met Little Man, but we didn’t make a room for his son at the house for a few months because we wanted his son to feel comfortable having me around. The first few weekends were tough with lots of calls out in the night for Daddy and plenty of time ignoring me, but slowly, he came to trust and enjoy time with me. We even have a morning routine of just him and I where we get up early and watch cartoons together. It’s some of my most treasured moments of my week.
I never thought I’d be in this position– up until a few years ago, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to have children of my own. But now that I’ve had this kid in my life for just over a year, I cannot imagine him not being in it because his time with us has become so seamless and part of our routine. Every two weeks I make sure I have his favorite snack ( CheezeIts), plenty of cheese and bread for grilled cheese, and chocolate syrup to achieve the most chocolate of milk. Having a 6 year old little boy has relaxed me in caring about the housework or clutter around the house. I’ve never been so happy to have a giant cardboard box living in the sun room for 3 months.
And it’s not easy- he’s a little boy who basically understands why his parents are not together anymore, and it has affected him for sure. There’s plenty of issues related to co-parenting and figuring out what’s best for Little Man, but so many of these are temporary phases related to his age and development. Q will probably have disagreements with his ex about the best way to raise him until he’s 18. But as the ‘bonus person’ in Little Man’s life, I try to keep my status strictly as his buddy, because of course, I’m not his stepmom nor do I call myself that ( I don’t have title at moment– he calls me by my name with everyone, which is much better than ‘Daddy’s friend’ from last year). I’m in “charge” sometimes when Q goes out for a run or does a house project, but I defer to Q on all matters right now because that’s what feels right. I want him to know with me he always has my support and listening ear, just another person on this earth to love and care for him.
🙂 I like you so much.
Wonderful post! I am a stepmom to a wonderful 4-year-old girl, and it is one of the most satisfying roles I’ve ever had the pleasure to play. My husband and I were also together for more than a year before I met his daughter. I am so happy to hear that you and Little Man have experienced a wonderful transition together. Your experience reminds me a lot of our own. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of yourself. It’s always nice to see others making it all work. You and Q clearly put his son’s best interests first. They are both lucky to have you!
We need to get together so we can talk more about this.
Your role will change and grow and flex so many times in his life You are doing what is best for him at all stages of his life. You are too kind of a person to ever be an evil stepmother.
I think as long as you’re firm in your behavior and loving towards him, he’ll (at least later on) really appreciate the role you’ve played in his mind.
… I meant, life… not mind 😉