Life By Kristen

Embrace in Action

In an effort to fully practice my 2016 word “embrace,” I’m working hard to really pay attention and focus on who I am at the present moment.

Part of that means saying no to a lot of the self-discovery guides, blogs, and folks on the internet that I follow.

It’s not that I don’t value these people and their words, but it’s more about trying to really listen to my intuition and what’s going on around me instead of constantly pushing and thinking. There is a certain kind of grace and knowledge, I think, that comes with embracing who I am at the present moment.

So my action plan to “embrace” involves not reading a lot of self-discovery/awareness books this year, not downloading worksheets about finding my true self that I know I won’t complete, and overall draining out the noise of others. I know the value of all of these tools and have used a lot of them in the past, which has brought me to this moment with myself and sitting with who I am at the moment. It’s not a super easy task for me as a person who thrives on learning, striving for more, and making plans. But as I thought about how I wanted my year to go, I realize that in all the questioning and navel gazing, I’ve become actually LESS sure of myself and what I want next.

A month in, I’m finding my journal writing is more robust and free flowing when I’m not thinking about answering particular questions or ideas I’ve heard/read throughout the day. My email is certainly less cluttered from newsletters and such offering coaching or other services ( all of which I’m sure I will slowly resubscribe to in a thoughtful way). I’m not making plans but I’m still growing, embracing by tuning into my intuition and letting myself live the questions of the moment, putting faith in myself and what might come out of paying attention to my heart and head.

2015 in Review

Cultivate— the word I wanted to embody my goals and aspirations for 2015.

How’d I do?

I’d say pretty great!

I’m most proud of how I’m coming into my own more- I still may have no idea what’s next career wise or where we may end of living, but I feel that I have a confidence and quiet grace in being able to think big, while at the same time being calm and kind to myself to know that the right thing/answer/spot will come my way because of my belief and desire for it.

I had some broad goals for the year and have accomplished many of them. I’ve really amped up my personal journal writing, both at the end of each day when I try to find five things to be grateful for ( no matter how bad the day) and when I have to write to free the chatter from my brain. I’m still trying to find that fine line between writing for myself, writing for work and freelance, and writing/sharing on here, but it’s a process that I’m allowing myself to grow into instead of feeling guilty about.

Q and I grew as a couple, and as a family with Little Man. We had some important family time including my brother and sister-in-law’s spectacular wedding weekend in Vermont in May. We sold my childhood home, but in the process learned a lot about love, loss, and new chapters in life.

I wanted to take more photos, which having an iPhone has helped, but I’m still not documenting all the moments I want to because I’m enjoying them and forget to stop to take pictures.

House/organization wise, it was a good year. I finally got rid of my wedding gown and got a nice doormat for our front door, as well as found some things we already to decorate some more with. Santa brought Little Man a great Star Wars poster for a wall in his room. A few of the other house/life projects are in their beginning stages and I will accomplish them over the winter.

I made more money from my writing. I meal plan and grocery budget like a queen. While I haven’t created a formal space for my work and writing portfolios, I made huge progress in organizing them all in one place, both physically and digitally, so that was huge.

I didn’t make much progress on going to church, but have been making more of an active effort with daily prayer.

While I didn’t make all my goals,  I feel that despite that, I was more than successful with my hopes to *cultivate* all aspects of my life. It was a good year indeed.

My Favorite Month

Why do I love November so much?

It’s a month of quiet gratitude, family, and food. I think it’s one of the most underrated months of the year.

Thanksgiving has always been one of my favorite holidays because it lacks the pressure and busy-ness of Christmas and is entirely centered around the idea of taking a calming day to sit and reflect about blessings in life. What’s not great about that?!?!

November brings in the chill ( though not this year with temps in the 60s and 70s in New England this week!) and the beginning of the time when we reflect, turn inward, and start getting ready to hunker down for the winter. I appreciate a month that celebrates that.

Happy November!

Hello October!

A month filled with fun, a special birthday, and fabulous fall happenings.

At this moment, October feels equal parts busy/hectic/filled with plans and relaxing. September was a WHIRLWIND that passed mostly by the amount of times spent cleaning/purging/making trips to donation centers with various things from Mom’s house. Now that the house closing is set for the end of this month, I hope that frantic flurry of figuring out what to do with stuff will come to a close, and we all can just RELAX. Of course, there still is a lot of stuff left at my own house to figure out since between Mom and Grandma houses, I have a lot of bits in my attic and basement. But it doesn’t feel pressing at the moment, so it can continue to exist so that the lazy procrastinator in me can find a minute to catch my breath. This house cleaning out, downsizing stuff is serious, emotional, exhausting business. I still have one more box of stuff at my mom’s to contend with and even though I feel like I’m probably just going to donate a good portion of it, I have been putting it off for days because I’m just kind of sick of dealing with objects of life.

Since my summer had some weird travel in it that Q was unable to participate in, we’re going to get away for the long weekend together, which will be the first time in our 2.5 years together that we’ve done that. How we’ve gone so long without going away for the weekend is also a mystery to me, but clearly we’ve been on a hamster wheel for a long time without thinking of getting off.

I’m also really excited for this particular October because it will be my first.time.ever trick or treating as a somewhat parental figure. The schedule gods have aligned and we’ll have Little Man for Halloween weekend. I think I might be more excited about going out trick or treating with him than he is. As Q and I continue to debate the what ifs of growing our  family, I treasure each milestone moment with Little Man as the three of us build our own family dynamics. He also has a birthday at the end of October and while I am not a fan of my own birthday, I certainly enjoy trying to make them special for other people, especially him.

There are a few other things swirling around in life that could bring some other happenings to our October, but we shall see what transpires. I’m trying very hard amid a lot of life change in the past 2 years to live in the present each day and not think– or worry– too far in advance. Some days I’m winning at that, others not so much, but I figure if  I can exist somewhere in the in between, I’ll come out ahead, so my main goal of October is to really embrace it all.

Image via here

In Need of a Lift

This post is about bras. Feel free to move along if this is weird or uninteresting to you.

Without getting too much into the TMI category, finding a bra as a curvy gal can be a challenge. Heck, I’m sure even for a noncurvy girl it can be a challenge because, as with every other piece of clothing women wear, sizes/styles/shapes differ from designer to designer.

I loathe bra shopping almost as much as I loathe trying to find new pants/jeans ( especially when retailers change the name of the pant style I know works, but that’s another post for another day). I hate bra shopping so much I wore the same 3 bras for YEARS even though they didn’t fit all that well. They say a good bra can take years and pounds off your appearance, so I know it’s essential for a good undergarment. Spending hours searching the a department store trying to find one bra in my weird size to only find it isn’t the best fit? Yea, not my idea of a fun afternoon.

This has changed with the amazing service I discovered called Peach. And by discovered, I mean a gal in a ladies’ professional group I’m in wrote about it and I was very intrigued. Essentially, Peach matches you up with a local bra stylist in order to get the best fit for you. They also have unders, basic foundation garments, and such. The thing that makes them different is their measuring is so much more than the measuring tape around your bust. It includes 11 measuring points including measuring you while wearing a “fit” bra to get a better idea of your particular body.

I met up with my stylist Nicole one night after work and was super impressed with how easy the process was. She took the various measurements and after our meeting put them into a form that uses a fancy algorithm to figure out the best size. I picked out two different bras initially for purchase ( prices similar to what you pay at department store, by the way), including one from their own Peach line. A few days later, I then received 6 bras in the mail– three different sizes that would fit my body based on my measurements. Nicole graciously came to my house to help me figure out fit and such, which was awesome. I ended up returning all 6 because even though one did fit, I didn’t feel super comfy in it. But that’s the beauty of the Peach system– you get the multiples to try on in the comfort of your own home, instead of in a horribly lit dressing room with some little old lady inspecting you in a bra. I returned the 6 using the box and the return shipping label that is provided. In my quest for a good brassiere, I then purchased another recommended bra.

The next bra came, again with 3 different sizes, and I tried them all one. There were two sizes I was sort in between so I wore them both for equal time around the house as I did my normal Saturday stuff. I loved being able to ‘test drive’ the bras. In the end, one size was the clear winner in terms of comfort and how I felt in it.

Overall, I’m super impressed with the company and the quality of the products. I’m definitely going to be using the service and stylist again because it let me try on items at my own pace, in my room, when I was feeling most confident and comfortable. I highly suggest the company and if you’re in the Southern Mass/Rhode Island area, you should get in touch with Nicole at nicmarie21  at gmail dot com!

All opinions are my own.  All opinions are my own and merchandise was purchased by me. I was not paid or contacted by the company for a positive review.

Healthy Changes

In an effort to try to live healthier, I’m working hard to change some habits in our household.

Grocery store: I go too often. I wish I could make it once a week and then another trip to the farmstand for local veggies, but somehow I’m there 2-3 times a week, which I detest greatly because I end up  buying random items that we don’t need and ruining the tightly watched budget. Trying to remedy this with better meal planning.

Walking: Q gets home about an hour before I do and often is still dealing with work paperwork/client emails when I get home. With the increased heat, I’ve taken the time between getting home and dinner to sit around with the iPad tooling on the web/blogs/facebook/Farm Heroes or reading. Then I make dinner and we end up on the sofa, watching some bad movie or TV show and usually I end up back on the iPad. I’m going to start walking before or after dinner ( heat/weather depending) and hope he comes with me. We used to walk all the time, but he’s on his feet a lot more with his new job, so walking around the neighborhood is the last thing he’s interested in doing some nights.

Decrease iPad time: I admit that I love my iPad and can be found more nights than not on it while Q is watching something on television. And even if I’m interested in something, I often am trying to multitask or do some dual screen stuff. It’s a horrible habit because it totally eats at the conversation with Q, is a bad distraction, and doesn’t help with the quieting mind stuff. I also have developed the super bad habit of using the iPad during family movie time with Little Man. This is going to be one of the hardest to break.

Fewer carbs: We stopped eating pasta awhile ago and while Q eats 2 sandwiches a day, we rarely buy bread anymore. I wanted to stop having pasta because it was quickly becoming my go-to easy meal, but when we were having it three or so times a week, I saw a noticeable difference in how my pants fit. Same with pizza. Over the winter we were in a bad pizza ordering rut, but I can’t even remember the last time we had it. We still eat carbs ( grilled cheese is a bit hit in our house), but being aware of it and trying hard to think about the food we eat has made a big difference.

Adulting in August

I’ve just returned from a quick jaunt to San Francisco where I surprised my grandma for her 85th birthday. It was only a few days, but it was splendid to spend some time with her and my aunt, enjoy the gorgeous weather, and really unplug from work.

Of course, now I’m back to reality. After being away for a work trip, then having a big family party, working for a week, and then traveling to CA, I spent a good portion of last Saturday morning overwhelmed by all the things of life- the laundry, the unending tasks on the house to do list, things to do to help my mom as she prepares to move and sell house, and so on. I did my stint of complaining and then I got busy.

After my CA trip, I took a 4 day weekend to just get stuff done. Stuff at my house, things related to my Mom’s move. It always seems so depressing that I have to take days off from work to get adulting tasks taken care of, but as I reflect on it now, it was the best idea ever because things were finally taken care of and I feel like a weight has been lifted. It might sound mundane or that my life reflects that of a boring suburbanite, but call it what you will– I call it “getting things done for my sanity.” The time off was needed for a rest away from work stuff, but I needed to get things done for my mind. I cannot easily look away from clutter and ignore it, no matter how hard I try. It sits on the to do list and annoys me. Of course, if I spent half the amount of time getting things done as I do complaining and procrastinating about them, I’d have lots more time and sanity! But our minds, they are strange places.

Before noon yesterday, I had already cleaned the majority of the house, dealt with piles of paper/mail/junk, and gone through Little Man’s room/closet/bookcase, the kitchen cabinets, and the basement. Most of the items to get rid of were easy targets of things never used or broken. I dropped things off for donation, took trash out, made food for the week, did laundry, and so on. I felt like a productive rockstar by 1pm. I need a day like this every week!

Don’t worry it wasn’t all errands and clean outs- I spent time on myself to with a massage on Friday morning. I’ll plan better next time though– the massage will be my reward for getting through all the tasks!

Thursday Thoughts

• If someone did something very kind- in an almost grand fashion, but then continues to be an arse of the first degree from then on after, does that one very kind thing even count?
• This time of year, when summer squash and zucchini are in season, I see so many random recipes online for things to do with them, yet inevitably the things that look the most appealing all involve turning on the oven. It was 80 degrees in my house yesterday- why the heck would I want to turn on the oven? Even if I had central air, I doubt a fresh baked zucchini lasagna is going to be high on my want to eat list.  By the time it’s cool enough to put it back on, the zucchini is going to be back to the bland stuff they sell at the supermarket.
• The copy machine in my office says the printer is jammed any time the paper is out. Why couldn’t they make an alert that says out of paper instead of making us open/close ten different things to clear it?
• With all the email list options out there, why would a company/service choose a provider that takes 3-5 business days to remove my name from their subscription lists? Makes no sense to me.
• How many weeks can Q& I go in our battle of wills to see who will clean the shower first? Bathroom cleaning continues to be the one chore we spar over. Current count is 3 weeks.
•  Even though I was out in Hawaii for work, I have a week off coming up and my sanity has never been happier.

Life Lesson in Hawaii

Being in Hawaii for work was an interesting experience.

First, it came at a tough time for me in my personal life. We were planning my brother’s wedding celebration and my mom’s house just went on the market for sale. I was feeling a lot of angst about being away for a week from all that was happening, and a little bit guilty that I wasn’t going to be around for all the festivity prep. Plus, while traveling for work is a great perk, there was also a lot of work involved to prepare for it, so the weeks leading up to the occasion where a bit crazed on my part. That being said, for the first time probably ever, I was 90% packed a solid four days before I was to leave.

The various bits of the trip are not all that exciting, but essentially my boss and I were there to research objects for an upcoming exhibition. There was some free time for swimming and exploring, which we were lucky to do, but the workdays were long and even though we were in paradise, it was still a lot of work.

I was also bummed to be in Hawaii without Q, as for a good period of time we talked about him coming along on the trip. Even though I’d be working a lot, it’s freaking Hawaii and he would have been happy as a clam to sit on the beach all day. In hindsight, I’m glad he didn’t end up joining us, as the days were long and between the heat/humidity and the long work hours, I was spent at the end of each day.

I was really consumed by the work and research, which is something I love about my job, but a few days into the trip I realized I was missing a lot of what was going on around me. Honolulu was packed with people, as it was the height of their busy season, but yet I was so in my own head I forgot to look around and take things in. It wasn’t until one night when we were walking to find dinner that I realized I wasn’t really experiencing the place.

As we walked to dinner through a park that was adjacent to our hotel, there were so many people sitting in the park, on the beach wall, or in the sand, just sitting there staring out. It took a few minutes walking to realize they were all waiting for the sunset. I was so consumed by work I didn’t even stop to look at the sunset– or to realize for so many people, this was a bucket list item on their Hawaiian vacation.

After this, I tried to be more aware of what was happening around me and I started noticing amazing things like how there was a wedding either in our hotel or being photographed right outside every single day I was there. Or how different the colors of mangoes are in Hawaii from here in New England.

I might have been in Hawaii, but it definitely made me realize I’m letting myself get so consumed by the various bits of life that I’ve literally had things passing me by– beautiful, amazing, awe-inspiring moments all because I’m thinking of the next thing to cross of the to do list. It’s not how I want things to be- and I’m determined to not become defined by work.