Priorities and Focus
I’ve been very neglectful of the blog and various other writing committments for the past month. A few things with personal matters didn’t go as expected, which sent me into a bit of an overwhelmed tailspin for the past two weeks. The result was a few nights with cookie dough on the couch trying to make heads or tails of things, but some retail therapy in buying books and having coffee at Barnes & Noble ( with a gift card from Christmas so no cost to me- score!) , as well as some much needed perspective in the form of a 4day weekend in Philadelphia has helped me get back to my center.
I’m an action, goals-oriented person. I make lists for organization, ideas, and so I know how to proceed ahead. I often taken on more than I can handle. While this month I didn’t do too much of that, a lot of projects and events all had issues or problems at the same time- and that was maddening to me. So much that I even lacked the energy or enthusiasm to practice my ‘go to’ methods of self-love– I could barely concentrate long enough on one page of a book, let alone organize my thoughts to write in a journal.
Going away for the weekend allowed me to step outside of my physical space of house and office to recharge and remember what’s important. It doesn’t matter that my walls are still bare and not painted. The draft blog posts can wait. The financial documents and information I need to gather for my mortgage refinance can wait until taxes are done. There is nothing as important as my sanity and feeling centered. Of course I can say all of this now, post-almost breakdown. In the moment I was about ready to cry and throw things. I think I did cry on Valentine’s Day actually– not that it was Valentine’s, but all the stuff seemed to be happening on that particular Tuesday.
Having the time away from the house and the office reminded me of the things I love to do that bring joy into my life and allow me to participate in self-love. Coffee on sunny mornings. Walks with a great guy. Amazing food. Relaxing days spent reading. Lounging around with no schedule and freedom to do as I please. A cup of tea watching a movie. Those acts of kindness to my self are what I forget in the crazed moments of anxiety. I’m thankful and blessed to have people in my life to remind me of how to get back to me though.
So now that I’m back and rested, I made an attainable to-do list for the next week or so. I threw out the other list and only kept what I remembered to be important, what is time-sensitive, or something that keeps coming up and I keep putting off. I’m not going to stress about a lot of. I’m having people over my house this weekend and it doesn’t really matter that the walls are not painted in two of the rooms. I’m proud to say that because the me of a year ago would be freaking out at not having a definite menu planned, house entirely cleaned, and everything set as if I was serving the Queen at my fondue party. Those things are small and the friends I will have over won’t care- I’m thinking of what’s important and crucial in life and keeping my sanity and happiness will always top the list.