Life By Kristen

Go, and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things come of it. – Little Women

Archive for the tag “health”

Random Musing- Health, Body, Life

I’ve been struggling to write lately- not just on here, but with some work projects, my journal. I’d like to blame it on the heat and humidity, and maybe that’s part of it because the weather (especially where I am in Southern New England) just seems to want to make me lay around and read, watch movies, and eat popsicles.

I use that excuse of it being too hot, or too cold, or rainy, etc. for exercising too, but as I was looking at my calendar with this new month, I realize I have  my yearly physical coming up soon. Unless I want to hear the yearly lament from my doctor about weight, cholestorol, and blood pressure, I guess I better get my act in gear.

And there it is again– this thing I do ALL. THE.TIME. Make excuses, say I’m going to do something, and then the action is JUST NOT THERE. Or it lasts for a week. Some people could say that I don’t do the action because I don’t really want the goal/result ( substantial writing that leads to something, losing weight/getting in shape, etc.) Maybe that’s partly true. Part of the weight debate is that with the exception of blood pressure that is sometimes a bit high ( as in maybe once a year and often caused by a doctor who has kept me waiting over 30 minutes) and some bits that are far more soft than they were 2 years ago, I’m not in BAD health. I don’t eat junk food except for a weekend indulgence in a piece of cake or ice cream; I don’t drink soda or eat a lot of processed anything, and my diet consists greatly of fruits and veggies, seafood, and lots of water. But when it comes down to it, I just don’t move enough.

So what am I afraid of? Working hard? Making lifestyle changes? Actually applying myself to something? I don’t think it’s the last one because with so many things in my life, I make a decision and go with it ( going to grad school, my career, getting a divorce, etc.)

I don’t want to lose weight for anyone but me and my health/future so it’s not like I feel the pressure from people ( other than my judgy doctor) and honestly, I’m not unhappy with how I look. I realize the cruves are there for many reasons ( genetics being the biggest), but also  because my body is at the age where it’s thinking about babies ( which is good since I HAVE THE FEVER). It really comes down to the feeling good part of life– the days I walk or exert myself in some way, I sleep better and feel less blah about life. Maybe I’ve given myself the excuse of heat, exhaustion, or just plain not in the mood, but I’m also denying myself the thing I know will make me feel better and overcome those three things too. The same could be said for writing, or painting, or cooking more ( though honestly, cooking in the heat is one of my least fav things ever).

I’m not going to make some empty promise or set some July intention to walk four times a week. I’m not going to say I’m going to be more mindful of food or being active. I’m just putting it out there to float out of my head and into the world to germinate as a thing that I’m musing about, with the hope that doing it will bring something on my part.

Comfortably Curvy

I almost dislike that I’m making a post about weight and body image because I think it has become ridiculous how obsessed with skinny the media and many people are. At the same time, I want to put myself out there because I think it’s important that people talk about being somewhat different body types and recognize that beautiful is any person, no matter the dress size.

This is me at age 21, probably 125-130 or so pounds.

And this is me in September 2011, weighing probably 30 or 40 pounds more than I did in college

( I really need to get in the habit of taking recent photos).

It’s hard to tell because of the closeness of one shot over the other, but I have noticeably bigger arms, fuller face, and bigger curvy womanly parts.

And that’s pretty awesome, in my opinion. Not awesome in the “I’m proud I’ve gained weight” way. But awesome in that I can look at myself now and see the beauty of all my parts and less on the flaws. The chart that my doctor showed me at my physical told me that at 5’2″ and currently 170 pounds, I am obese. I don’t need to rant here about the ridiculousness of those chart and whatever scientific equation puts me in the obese range when my blood pressure, cholesterol, and eating/exercising habits are all in the very healthy range.

Yes, I emotionally ate my way through a separation, divorce, and budget hell. And I joke around that my divorce brought me some pounds of emotional baggage in the form of a muffin top. Of course, genetics and hormones also account for some things- not much I can do about the same breasts & hips that I share with all the women in my family almost across the board ( it’s easy to see how we all fit together even if we don’t share facial features haha!)

But for the first time in a really long time- if ever- I finally feel great in my skin. I used to get upset about having to buy a large in a shirt to accommodate my chest. I’ve learned I look far larger trying to squeeze the twins into a medium that is clearly not the right size. I don’t dread getting dressed for work in the morning because I can’t find a pair of pants that I can sit comfortably all day in because all the clothes in my closet fit the body I have now and each item is something I love.

That’s not to say that there aren’t those girly days when I still feel a little gross and hate that I’m not a size 6 any longer. And it’s incredibly frustrating when shopping and the clothing manufacturer world forgets that a real woman is not a sample size 2 and 5’10”. But those days seem to be fewer and far between because I’m confident in who I am and I know they are fleeting thoughts fixed easily with a quick walk and some perspective.

I think the best part of this whole thing is not feeling guilty or beating myself up. I understand the consequences of choosing ice cream over vegetables. I am practicing more healthy habits for my long-term health and well-being, not to fit in a dress from years ago. I don’t have a number in mind for my ideal weight or size- I want to make the right healthy decisions for my life and situation as a gift of self-love to myself.

Has your idea of body image and weight loss changed as you have gotten older? 

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