Even with a holiday on Monday and a snow day on Wednesday, this week seemed oddly long.
1. I’ve not been great this week ( well mainly Wednesday) about feeling at peace with the chaos that is my life right now. Things have mellowed out in terms of things needing to get done from my Dad, but still a few things looming that I haven’t had the energy or focus to start on. I sort of feel like I’m on list overload at the moment both at work and home. I dropped the ball on a few errands this week which I realize is fine, but on Wednesday when the man and I were home for a snow day, I realized my laziness of not running errands/going grocery shopping, were all coming to a point and things were getting a bit lean in the household supply department. I freaked out a bit about being a bad adult and feeling like I had no focus/control. I’m being far too hard on myself I know. No one expects me to keep it all together and I’m doing alright so far, so I should stop worrying. I just keep repeating “peace.”
2. The funny ( funny weird, not funny haha)thing I’m ( and my entire family, most of Dad’s friends/people) learning about grief is how it can come out of nowhere and for the strangest reasons. One night I found myself in tears after hearing some random tv show character say “Hi Dad.” A few days ago it was reading a news item and saying ” Dad is going to have something to say about this.” It’s easy to prepare oneself for missing a person on the expected days ( holidays, family Sunday dinners, etc.), but the small moments where you would have called that person are really where it hurts the most. Again “peace.”
3. I tend to be pretty quiet on here about my love life and that’s something I’m going to stand by fairly adamantly, but I will say that cohabitation with the man is going really, really well. I especially enjoy the thoughtfulness of coffee in the morning, someone else to worry about dinner half the time, and a shoveling buddy.
4. I was out of work for 2 weeks for my Dad and that time away just sent me off kilter enough with my deadlines ( all personal) that even though I’m focused with what needs to get done, the motivation is often lacking. I work on so many long-range projects and exhibits, it’s hard sometimes to get going on something until it feels more immediate. Maybe because of the time of year, the extreme cold, and the desire to just be under the blankets all day, but I have to try really hard every day to get my tasks done. Again “peace.”
5. The weekend includes sleeping in, errands, a first birthday party for a special little boy, and family time on Sunday. I’m also hoping to get back into my Sunday cooking habit to stock the fridge and freezer because as I said before, things are getting pretty lean!
Happy Friday to you all!