Life By Kristen

Go, and embrace your liberty. And see what wonderful things come of it. – Little Women

Archive for the category “Work”

At a Career Crossroads

I cannot remember when I decided that I wanted to work in a museum, but it was likely sometime in college. I have loved history for as long as I can remember, and in high school was inspired by Ken Burns’ PBS work. There must have been a moment when I thought I’d like to work in a museum because the summer between my sophomore and junior year of college, I interned at a museum site, getting paid peanuts ( I think it was $750 for the entire summer). I had more projects in the field during college and landing a grant-funded full time job that started the Monday after I graduated from college. (P.S. if you’re youngish and reading this, do not do this. You will work your whole life, so you can take a week or two off before starting a full time job!) I went right from undergrad to graduate school to get my Master’s in order to have a decent career in the museum world. All combined, I’ve been doing this work for 14 years.

And I’m thinking my run might be up.

Maybe it is burnout or that it’s just time for a change. Both are likely true. Next week marks 9 years at one place, which is unbelievable to me since when I was hired, I thought this was a 3-5 year job. Sure, life has thrown its fair share of curve balls my way and the job has changed a lot from when I first started. And my place of employment is at a huge transition point too, which isn’t feeling as exciting as I think it probably could be to me if I felt like this is where I need to be or if  the work felt challenging like it did before.

I cannot even remember all the museum jobs I’ve applied for, phone/Skype/in-person interviewed at, and mostly felt disappointed about in some way over the past 2 years. With the exception of a few that would have been exciting only because they would have involved a big move, I knew pretty quickly that I didn’t want the jobs. That lack of interest, dedication, and enthusiasm was likely clear to the people interviewing me too.

A few times I’ve started down the road of “doing the work” to figure out what could be next and I actually settled on the idea of writing full-time. I spent a good portion of the past few years trying to build a client base and writing interesting things in various places. But what I found about myself is that while writing for other people comes easily, I don’t have the “hustle” aspect required to make a freelance career to bring in the money I need. While I have the discipline to get the work done, I don’t have the drive for networking, selling myself/products, or pushing for that “next big thing.” I love to write and found that writing for other people was leaving me with almost no creative fuel to write for myself, either in my journal, here, or on my short story and novel ideas.

People who navigate a career change/pivot/reworking inspire me, but also make me feel overwhelmed with possibility, doubt, and fear. There are days I don’t even know where to start even in terms of job searching sites since I’ve spent my entire working career in such a niche field that there are specialized job boards for it.

Stories like these women who go from running art galleries to running restaurants are amazing, but my pragmatic brain stops me from applying these possibilities to my life every single time. I know so much of what I don’t want to do ( not interested in going back to school), but am paralyzed with possibility for what I could do. I’m not in a financial situation where I could take some time off from work minus a week or so to contemplate what could be next. I’m often mentally and emotionally drained after my day job that even finding my 5 things to be grateful for each night seems like a chore.

I don’t want you to think I’m in this dismal place, but I am at a moment where I’m trying to decide what’s best for me and how I want the rest of my life to look. I’m blessed with an abundance of possibility, which is also what is paralyzing me. I have a partner who is pretty much willing to follow me wherever I want– in fact, in our 4.5 years together, we’ve already contemplated a few big moves together, and with only one or two exceptions, he’s been game for whatever. I also know that I’m lucky to have the ability to dream big and take my time figuring things out because I am employed and educated, giving me more advantages than a lot of other people.

So what’s next? Who knows. I really am trying to explore possibilities- I’m reading A LOT about other types of jobs and things people do, and looking at what brings me joy outside of work that might equate into a real job. I’m not really giving myself a firm timeline, though we have a time frame in mind for selling the house, but that’s more based on the mortgage rate than anything else.

The signs are all there– more and more things showing up in social media about making the leap, following your heart, etc. The desire is there on my part and my partner. I’m putting the intention out there to the universe, with my mind set on a goal that isn’t quite formed yet.

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Thankful Thursday #13

I’m thankful for….

Great coworkers.

When you work 14 hour days together (not all the time!), you have to like the people you work with. I’m really lucky to have coworkers who are friends, including a few who have become more like family. We spend so much of our lives working so having good people to share the days with is important to me.

One of the reasons I’ve been at my job 8 years is because of the people– even when the work situation is annoying, stressful, and frustrating, the coworkers are often the ones who provide the levity and laughter needed to get through the day.

Work or Passion?

A few weeks ago, I was somewhat vague about life/career. San asked me to elaborate. Then she posted this awesome article about not being passionate about your job. It could not have been better timed.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived with the mantra “do what makes your heart sing.” And honestly, for the most part, I have/still do. But lately, with growing pains at work and the personal desire for change, I’m wondering what do I want to be when I grow up? Can I find a way to make a living doing the things I’m great at and enjoy (research, writing, organizing, public speaking, etc.)?

I’m 33 and have been doing museum work for just over a decade when you factor in undergrad internships and grad school work– almost 8 years at my current institution. Not a complete oddity, but becoming less common in this day and age of job hopping.  The traditional path in the museum world leads to a museum director position, something which I’m pretty sure I don’t want– so does that mean I should pivot to something else instead?

For so long, I’ve let what I do define who I am. Even my Twitter handle had my occupation in it! When people ask what I do and I answer “museum curator,” I think that means certain things to certain people. And I think for a long time, it did for me too.

But I am not my job.

There is so much more to who I am and what I value now– losing someone you love without warning can put all that in perspective in a really different way. A night at home with Q matters more to me than extra hours in the office. Spending the weekend with family, the boys, or by myself reading a book matters more than a day-long conference. I love my freelance writing opportunities. I like the idea of maybe someday being my own boss. I still dream of writing a few books.

This whole idea of whether your passion needs to be your job made me think of a story a friend told me about a family member of theirs who loved home aquariums, exotic fish, and the like. He quit his job as a day trader to open a home aquarium supply store business. After 5 years, he sold the business, went back to the business world, and didn’t even have a fish tank in his house anymore. His passion became a business and was not fun for him any longer. I don’t want to be that guy.

And yet, I am that guy. I am burned out. I rarely visit museums any more on my own, unless I’m on vacation, conference, or something work-related. It’s clear that the daily frustrations and overall blah-ness are clouding my judgement about what should/could come next for me, what I want, and what I’m capable of doing. Don’t worry– a vacation is already planned to try to clear the fogginess.

I recognize ( and with fellow colleagues too) that the challenges I’m facing at work aren’t the gratifying kind that make me feel like I’m doing what makes my heart sing. But without this job, I wouldn’t have paid off credit card debt, have great retirement setup, and other great benefits. I have to put my practical, sensible mind aside for the dreamer. A hard thing for an overcoming perfectionist overachiever.

The other difficulty is the prospect of a career shift for a career that has left me with so much student loan debt. I know no education is lost, but I take great pride in the fact that I’ve worked hard for the career I have, especially in a field where so many people would kill for a job like mine, to use the degrees for what they actually wanted to do when they started out. There also have been moments when I  loved my field and what I do. But those moments seem few and far between.

Maybe I’ve asked too much of what I do everyday, but we spend so much of our lives at work that it’s draining and soul sucking to at least not like what you do every day. Heck, they call it work for a reason. If it was meant to be always fun and enjoyable, they’d call it something else! ( not my original thought, something my Mom always says, but no clue where it comes from, even after lots of Googling).

I think the answer for me might be somewhere in between doing my passion for work and working to make a living.

 

 

Career Questions

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about ‘career’ versus ‘job’ versus ‘occupation.’ Some people use them interchangeably, others the three terms have distinct meanings.

Career= an occupation undertaken for a significant period of a person’s life and with opportunities for progress.

Job= a paid position of regular employment; a task or piece of work, especially one that is paid.

Occupation= a job or profession.

The thing that sticks out for me is in the definition of career “significant period of a person’s life with opportunities for progress.” But if there is no progress, does it cease to be a career and then just become a job?

OK, maybe that’s a bit too existential of a question, but I’m pondering this a lot lately as I think about what I want next in life and essentially, a career. I have worked in the museum field for over a decade when you count in undergrad internships and graduate school work. I am in student loan debt for years because I pursued an education that would earn me a degree to get more credibility and standing in that world. I know that no education is lost, no matter the discipline, but part of me still holds onto the fact that I spent a lot of time, stress, and money ( and still spending money!) on earning a degree in a field I believed so much in so I must want to still do it. Or that just might be my stubborn nature coming out.

And yet, I question next steps.

Some of it might be restlessness at being at the same institution for over 7 years now. When I was able to do some consulting work at another museum last spring, it was an invigorating two days with colleagues spent in nerdy museum and history talk. That was fun to me! But when I think about next steps in the museum world and look at the opportunities around, nothing excites me. I’ve been on a handful of interviews over the 7 years as things arose in the world around me, and only a couple were ever interesting enough that I was disappointed when things didn’t work out.

I think part of the problem I have too is that I am a curious person with so many interests that I feel I could do well in a number of different positions– but has my decade worth of work in one specific, small field excluded me from other work down the line? The diverse types of writing I’ve been doing for some freelance work is helping a bit to unleash some creativity and find other outlets for my interests, but it’s also leaving me with deep desires to write more and do more with life.

I’m always amazed at people who have diverse career paths and how they went from one thing to the other. I know being open to possibilities and opportunities as they arise is important, as is patience and awareness of oneself, some things I know I need to work on with myself. All of this aligns with my word for 2016– embrace. I’m trying to embrace this bit of a question mark part of life that my early 30s are turning out to be, but the go-getter, action-oriented part of myself is struggling to sit with that. I know that feeling uncomfortable and unsure is a big part of change happening in small ways everyday, and I try to put my faith and trust in that. I pray everyday to be open to opportunities and be aware of myself in the ways that matter.

 

 

My First Real Job

My first real job, aside from babysitting, was as a Customer Service Representative at the now defunct Blockbuster Video.

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I worked at Blockbuster for 2.5 years during high school up until I went to college. I can’t quite remember why I didn’t work there during the summer breaks when I was home from college, but instead took a summer job working the accessories counter at Macy’s. More on that another time!

I worked at Blockbuster during the waning days of VHS tapes. In fact, I remember when they put the small DVD section in the store and all of us thought “No one is going to buy all new machines to play these things!” I remember one of the regular customers coming in to get new release DVDs because some new mail-order DVD subscription service called Netflix  didn’t have new releases. I thought it sounded like a dumb company name and silly way to get movies.  So funny to think back on it now.

As a lover of movies, it was a pretty fun place to work. I often worked full 8-hour shifts during one of the weekend days, and a few nights during the school week since the manager was very flexible with my extracurricular schedule and calendar.

I started at Blockbuster shelving returned videos, organizing shelving, and helping people find movies they wanted. On slow nights, we had to dust and clean the lesser rented older movies, like the entire series of Dark Shadows. When big, popular movies came out, we’d have to spend an entire Sunday or Monday night shift moving VHS around on the shelves to make room for the multiple copies of movies we would supply. This was one of my least favorite activities since I’m a bit spatially challenged and I always had to rework how many copies of older movies had to go in order to fit the required six on a shelf.

When I moved up to working the register, I also became responsible for being the dreaded teller of late fees, which was always an interesting experience. I almost always called for the manager on duty to deal with it since it always seemed silly to argue with someone over $4.19 ( the price of a 2-night new release rental– why I remember that, who knows!). I liked getting to know the customers, learning about new and obscure movies, and helping people find new things to watch based on their interests. I also graduated to being the ‘found on shelf’ gal which meant that on every shift I had to search through the store to see if movies that were missing were in fact, on the shelf and not scanned in properly. Another favorite task was shrink wrapping the VHS tapes that were being transferred from rental to sale– I bought more PVT (previously viewed tapes) than I knew what to do with. They were so cheap and with my discount they were practically free! Of course, all of those PVTs are now long gone, donated to libraries and Goodwill over the years.

Looking back, it’s amazing to think how technology was so slow to change at Blockbuster, even though it was only 1999-2001. Our computers and the rental system ran on MS-DOS, blue screen and all. Reports and rental cards were printed on dot-matrix printers with the side margins you had to rip off. When someone wanted to special order a VHS, we had to fill out a form, check to see if it was available in this HUGE book, and get back to them. Amazon wasn’t quite a thing yet. We even rented VHS players to people for $99. Mind boggling to think about it now.

Working at Blockbuster not only gave me early access to new movies, but ruined more than a few for me too. I was there during The Sixth Sense release and knew within an hour of it being on the shelf what the movie was all about. I’ve seen almost all the good and bad movies of the late 90s and early 2000s not because of interest, but just because I worked at the store and needed to know about the movies we rented.

I was long gone from Blockbuster when they closed up shop. Of course, working with the public and in a retail setting gave me a lot of life skills I have used in my career, though I can say that I think this early experience working with the public probably helped my interest in wanting to work with museum objects and not people!

 

I’d love to hear more about some of your first job experiences!

 

Commuting

September 22 I celebrated 5 years at my job. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long because it’s gone in a flash ( what’s the phrase- ‘the days are long, but the years are short’).  I live about a 45 minute drive from work, a distance that I don’t quite mind most times, though because where I work is a seasonal tourist town by the ocean, the commute home in the summer, if not timed correctly, can be in the range of 75 minutes. In 5 years, the worst commute I had was maybe 3 years ago when it took me almost 2 hours to get home ( in a car without AC).

The commute has always been something I looked forward to ( most days) because it gave me the ability to get mentally ready for work in the morning and decompress on the way home. I’m lucky that my commute has multiple roads I can go home, all with many stores and spots that make running errands on the way home quite easy. I also like that I have both physical and emotional distance away from work– I never run into colleagues on the weekends running errands ( not that I don’t love them, but it’s nice to actually have me time on weekends without work reminders) and I almost never get called in for emergencies ( one hurricane I had to stay at work but I was paranoid because my boss was on vacation and I had visions of museum collections being ruined and me, two bridges away, unable to cross them to save collections).

Because I’m a glutton for punishment ( or something like that), I calculated the time I’ve spent in the car over the past 5 years. Working 5 days a week for a year is about 260 days spent at work each year ( of course, this doesn’t count sick or vacation days, but I’m rounding up). With 90 minutes total round trip commuting ( an average because of course there are days when it takes more or less than 45 minutes to get to work), that’s 450 minutes a week in the car– 23, 400 minutes/390 hours/16.25 days a year spent commuting.

Since the thought of that was depressing, I recently decided I had to change my attitude about my commute because unless I move or get a different job closer to home, I’m going to be doing this drive for the foreseeable future. While listening to NPR has enlightened my commute greatly over the past 5 years, I rarely listen to it for the entirety of the drive home because in my after work tired state, I often find the talking to be more soothing than interesting and have way too many times had that almost want to sleep at the wheel feeling.

So I’ve taken up with audio books, which have become the savior of my commute and also are helping me kick my yearly reading goals butt. I’ve learned that memoirs or short stories/vignettes are best for me in the car because it’s easier to remember what’s going on, but I’ve listened to some good pieces of fiction too ( Ann Patchett’s State of Wonder I highly recommend). Comedians/satirists are best, though the reader of the audio book is key ( I really liked Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck, but she was the reader and at times, her voice was too soft and soothing for driving at 7AM). I highly recommend BIll Bryson, Tina Fey’s Bossypants, and Ellen Degeneres’ Seriously, I’m Kidding. Audio books have also helped me get through books I’ve struggled with in print, namely Hillary Clinton’s Living History which I have stopped and started a few times, but in audio format I found it quite good ( and so interesting– many aspects of her life I knew nothing about).

I’m hoping that this also helps reinvigorate the commute as the colder months approach, as it is often so difficult to commute when leaving and coming home in the dark each day. If I’m going to be in the car for at least 45 minutes a day, I’m happy I can reclaim it as productive me time and enjoy/learn in the process.

Would love any audiobook recommendations too!

Worrying & Work

I’m getting to the time of year when my real life job starts to get a tad crazy.

I’ve spent endless hours writing and rewriting exhibit copy that has been on my brain since July when the research process began. By the time the proofing and words are on the wall with the exhibit, I’ll be so over them.

There was a day a week or two ago that I spent eight hours staring at the computer screen trying to make heads or tails of images, copyright issues, and license to use forms. I was so brain fried on my way home that I called for takeout and then preceded to drive home and put on my pajamas. It wasn’t until the restaurant called asking where I was that I even realized I hadn’t eaten. That sort of tired is rare for me, but when it happens, I’m really just out of it.

Every year- for the almost 5 years at this job ( as an aside, how is it 5 years!?!?!)- I tend to go into panic/freakout mode around this time. My officemates have pointed out that every year I say “I’m worried about this exhibit” or get a bit frantic about one thing or another. And every year, things work out and the show is a success. This habit I think is something I’ve inherited from being in the museum field, where shows frequently are having the finishing touches done mere hours before the champagne is poured for the opening party (closest call for me was about a 3 hour window before a party). I am ridiculously lucky that I work at a place that has an off season to prepare exhibits- it’s quite a luxury compared to previous positions.

The general “worrying about something even though history shows it all works out” seems to be a tad bit of a pattern for me, not just with work, but often times in life too. I think I’ve finally realized that a tad bit of worrying is part of my process and a coping mechanism for me. That being said, I’d like to worry less about trivial things like finding parking spots at a new restaurant, and a little more time paying attention to living a healthy lifestyle. Today is the start of Lent and I thought briefly about giving up worrying, or at least trying to work on what I worry about, but that seems like an effort deemed to fail considering it is somewhat part of my personality– and if nothing else, is definitely part of my job where I am the one assigned with worrying that things stay on time, budget, and look great. I have met people who are great at compartmentalizing their life so that they don’t worry about life things while at work and vice versa, but I for one have never been able to figure out that dynamic. While it’s easy for me to unwind after a stressful day or forget about work issues on a weekend, there can never be this complete divorce of worry- maybe it’s because I’m passionate about what I do. Maybe it’s because my name is on everything and I take pride in my hard work in a quiet, humble way.

I’ve been so successful with taking action in the various areas of life I want to change lately that it does seem like this is the time now to try to get a handle on this worrying business. I think the best part of DOING has been the getting out of my own head, bringing clarity to everything else. So instead of staring at the calendar freaking out about things, I should just realize that nothing I have ever done has been not finished and just get over myself.

Are you a worry wart? Are there things that you freak out about at work?

 

 

How I Get Paid to Pursue My Interests

When I meet new people and they ask me what I do for work, a lot of people are surprised when I say that I am a museum curator. Depending on the situation, most people then ask how I got into it, what my educational background is, etc. One guy once told me he always wanted to meet a museum curator. I felt lucky to have helped him fulfill that wish haha.

So when people ask me how I became a curator, I don’t have some great answer for them about having several degrees that make me an expert in some random piece of history or art. I didn’t spend a year in Europe studying the great creations of Titian or Renoir. I’ve never been on Antiques Roadshow ( though this is a DREAM of mine) and being a curator is nowhere near as glamorous as movie characters who are curators seem to be (i.e. Julia Roberts in Ocean’s Eleven).

To look back, I can’t tell you one definitive moment in my life where I declared “I want to be a curator when I grow up.” In fact, I don’t ever remember that being anywhere in my universe.  For the longest time, I wanted to be a checkout girl at the grocery store ( I aimed high, what can I say). To be sure, I believe this career aspiration had more to do with my interest in playing with the cash register, as evidenced by my frequent playtime with our Mickey Mouse calculator and obsession with pressing buttons on all the phones when visiting an electronics department of Bradlees or Lechmere ( old school New England discount store reference!)

As soon as my mother told me that I could be a checkout girl at the market when I was sixteen ( which I never did by the way), I quickly moved onto bigger ideas of what I wanted to do “when I grew up.” As an early lover of books, devouring two or three in a weekend, I wanted so badly to become a writer. I frequently wrote short stories and even had a few poems published back in the day. I’m not sure when that dream sort of faded away to dreams of wanting to become a pediatrician, though I think a childhood medical issue may have had some part to do with my interest in becoming a doctor. I remember a distinct memory from maybe age six or seven where, with the supervision of my mother ( a nurse), I dissected a pig’s heart at the Boston Museum of Science. And by dissected I mean wore a pair of Ziploc bags on my hands and touched this gooey thing on the table. Please note- as an adult I now see how crazy this is. As a museum person, I think this is AWESOME. That early endeavor with anatomy sparked some sort of interest in me that led to me watching those medical shows that TLC used to show of weird surgeries and things ( remember when TLC was actually about learning? Ah the good ole days).

Without going into every single thought process of what my life career might look like, I will sum it to say the doctor thing was never destined to work out because somewhere along the line, with an occasion that I have clearly blocked out, I became incredibly squeamish and sensitive to blood, guts, and gore. Exit medicine, enter attorney. Clearly I was an overachiever hell bent on multiple years of school and, unbeknownst to me at age 12, years of student loan debt.

I think the reason being a lawyer was so tempting to me was because I knew it involved a lot of research and writing. In junior high a local lawyer came to talk to my class on career day and told us how law school made him fat, bald, and blind and that not all of us could be lawyers. Ironically enough, this man ended up being the lawyer who helped me with my divorce.

When I entered college, I had a vague idea that law school still might be in the cards for me, but I was also really interested in documentaries, particularly influenced by the awesome Ken Burns and his baseball documentary, particularly in awe of the “experts” who made comments throughout the piece. As a big watcher of PBS, this whole idea of educating people about history and culture through TV was super cool to me.

With this vague interest in culture, I pursued an undergrad degree in American Studies, with not a clue what such a random major like that could bring me in a job. I came from a family of people who went after skills and concrete ideas in their college educations so it did feel sort of loosey goosey at times. When I went to the career planning office  sophomore year to get help making my first resume, the counselor had a sign in her office that read ‘Do What Makes Your Heart Sing.’ It was like that sign spoke to me and I knew that I had to somehow find a way to pursue working in history, something I’d always loved from a very early age. I landed an internship in a local museum in the summer of 2003 and I’ve been working in museums ever since.

I’ve worked in places large and small, from baseball history to small town history, and every moment has been pretty unbelievable. I consider myself a “professional generalist” since I don’t have one specific area of intense knowledge ( my graduate degree is in public humanities with an American studies focus), though sports, cultural, and social history are my passion.

While, like everyone else, there are days of frustration at my job, I love my work and feel really lucky I can pursue my interests while getting paid for it. I am a lifelong learner who loves to find the answers to all my questions so working as a curator and doing research is the perfect fit for my curious mind. As my interests and life changes, so do my dreams of what I want next in my museum career; for now I am quite content to have my nose stuck in a book looking for great ways to present history and information to the public. As I’ve learned and worked with theories of museum education and exhibition, I’ve thought a lot about that experience at the Boston Museum of Science. It seems that museum memory had a big impact on me in a way that I misread for a few years– it wasn’t about medicine or science ( which I nearly failed by the way), but it was about working in a place where I could connect people with their interests, their pasts, and help them feed their curious minds too.

I need a job where I can read blogs and books all day

Because I LOVE those two things.

One of my goals for 2012 was to read fifty new books this year. I’m dreadfully behind but I have faith the numbers will pick up quickly in the summer when I spend most of my time lounging in the sun and warm shade with books. This week as I caught up on magazine reading, I added more titles to my book list than I can count– my Amazon wishlist is currently at 632 books ( though to be fair, a good many of them are work related items). I’m currently reading four: a Suze Orman money book; Potatoes Not Prozac about sugar addiction; Billionaire’s Vinegar about the most expensive bottle of wine ever sold at auction; and Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand, a lovely fiction read that has been on my bookcase since I loaded up on books when Borders went out of business. I’ve got a few memoirs and The Happiness Project on tap next I think, plus I’m intrigued by The Book of Doing, which I have now read reviews for in four different magazines and on NPR ( maybe the universe is trying to tell me something about getting my act in gear!?!?!)

In addition to refocusing on my enjoyment of writing about life, one of the reasons I started this blog was because I was continually so inspired and comforted by other bloggers I follow around the interwebs ( 105 on my Google Reader  in fact, not to mention all the others I happen upon from Twitter and links in other blogs). The whole world of personal/blogging I find to be really fascinating and fun. My mornings are always fueled by coffee or tea with blog reading and I’m going to make an effort to start sharing some of the awesomeness I find.

This week, the fantastic Amy unveiled a really awesome new blog design and I loved this post about falling in love with reading and book characters. I can totally relate to this!

I so needed to read this post about creativity. Have been thinking A LOT about how to have a better creative outlet in life.

This post about reframing how to think about exercise also came at the right time for me.

And lastly, this week I made a new and AMAZING pasta dish that I cut out of Cooking Light magazine. Bacon and Broccoli Mac & Cheese was out of this world, though I had the leftovers for lunch today and while the taste was still great, the consistency wasn’t amazing. But I highly recommend the recipe because it really was super easy 🙂

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