3.5 years ago, Q and I “met” on OKCupid, about a week before I was about to cancel my account. I was post-divorce, trying to be open about meeting new people, even if they didn’t seem like ‘my type.’
If you wrote down our various interests and traits between us, it would look like we’re mismatched. He doesn’t read a lot, isn’t super into traveling, and isn’t a huge fan of social get togethers outside of close family and friends. He likes sci-fi, watching the Weather Channel, and would eat the same meal every day if he could ( likely beef). I’m not exactly the polar opposite of all those things, but we have our differences for sure.
But what we share the most (other than a love for each other and who we are as human beings) is our value of respect and honesty. We both came from marriages where we didn’t feel like we could be ourselves with the person we were with.
We’re together because he’s kind, compassionate, and an amazing listener. When I’m hyped up about something, I literally can feel my muscles relax and my blood pressure come down when I’m in the same room as Q. We’re together because he makes me a better version of me- highlighting all the awesome Kristen things and challenging me on my bad habits and quirks. He supports me- and all my crazy ideas.
Maybe it’s because we both have been married before or maybe it’s because we’re in our 30s and aren’t interested in the games. We let each other be ourselves- he’s picky about some things and I let him make those decisions on his own because he’s an adult.
As I’ve learned so many lessons from being a ‘bonus mom’ to Q’s son, being a partner to Q also has helped me grow as a person. It turns out, I like some sci-fi and he likes some history! I have taught him that vegetarian meals can be just as delicious as a big steak and that making a list for the grocery store will make the trip less annoying. There are the big things too of course, as he is a constant reminder that getting angry in any situation is often the worst thing to do as he is one of the most even-keeled people I know personality-wise.
Sure, we drive each other nuts sometimes, mostly because we’re both stubborn and often very independent people. I like to do things my way, no matter the mess or trouble, but he’d rather be practical and do something once. I’m a clean, organized person who gets joy out of order, while he has piles of paper and clothes ( what I call the ‘floordrobe’ these days), and would never make a to-do list to save his life. We balance each other out in a way that makes being with him the easiest part of my life.
So we may rarely mutually agree on a movie to watch and I might have to push and plead to get him on a plane, but we work. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.