Life with Little Man
Looking back on my marriage and my lack of interest in procreation, I think most of that attitude stemmed from the lack of confidence in myself and in my marriage. I knew things weren’t great and I wasn’t fooled into thinking that maybe a baby could make our relationship better. I’m sure deep down in my gut I knew that having a child with my ex husband would make a bad situation worse, and as hard as my divorce was, I am grateful everyday that it did not include a child in such a heartbreaking situation.
As good as it felt to have made that right decision for my life, I wondered from time to time if that meant I was taking a possible child out of the situation. I know families are made in many different, non-traditional ways, so even though I had no prospect of love on the horizon from a new partner, I knew at some point in my life, when I felt ready, that I would have a child in my life in some way.
When I began dating again, I tried to be open minded in meeting people and giving men a shot. My list of must haves and requirements for dating had not gotten me very far with the guy I married, so casting a wide net seemed to be the right decision. I also knew that at age 30 a lot of eligible men might be divorced or have kids- all of which I was comfortable with.
When I met Q, I knew early on that he was a special person. I like to keep so much of my life private from the internet and haven’t written much about Q, but after our first date was just five hours of talking about everything in life, I knew I was smitten. When I learned he had a son, it was just another wonderful aspect to him. Because of Q’s divorce and wanting to make sure we felt solid as a couple before I met his little man, we were dating almost a year before I met his son. And ever since then, life has been different, but in a way I couldn’t have ever imagined.
We only see Little Man ( who will be 6 at the end of the month) every other weekend, but from the moment he walks in the house on Friday to the minute he leaves on Sunday, time goes slower, things are simpler, and just in general, life feels great. He has a great creative spirit and enthusiasm for everything from Curious George to race cars. I never tire of his endless questions or stories, but I definitely tire from trying to keep up with him!
I won’t lie– it’s been exhausting and I tip my hat to parents who have more than one child to race after at the playground- I don’t know how you all do it! But having him around is the best reminder to live life fully. I’ve never been so happy to have a messy house with random drawings and Legos thrown about. We’ve spent hours playing with cardboard boxes, running around playing tag or blowing bubbles, all great reminders that some of the best fun comes with the simplest things.
A few weeks ago, the three of us were in a parking lot, and as Little Man grabbed Q’s hand as we got out of the car, then he grabbed mine too. The three of us walked in a line, all joined together, and it was all I could do to keep myself from crying tears of joy because at that moment my heart was bursting for these two guys in my life.