Life By Kristen

New School Year, New Start

It’s September! And I’m alive.

I say that because I was quiet on here for much of August– mostly work took a lot of head space that left me feeling drained and lacking words at the end of most days, so my little spot on the interwebs was quiet.

Lots of work changes going on- my wonderful boss retired last week and lots of interim things fell to me until a new person is hired, all the while in the middle of some organizational changes and new initiatives. It’s exciting but of course, change is hard, so being cautiously optimistic and trying to be enthusiastic about my new work challenges.

Even though I’ve been out of school for over 7 years now (!), I still love the excitement and energy that comes with a new school year. I love seeing first day of school pictures, hearing about plans and new activities, and of course, buying new school supplies. I perhaps miss that the most about school. Although now I have an entire office to fill with fun supplies which I don’t pay for, so I guess being a grownup with a job is better haha. Q’s son starts kindergarten next week and I might be more excited for it than he is. I love learning and absorbing new things– that curious aspect of my nature is probably what makes me a great researcher because I’m always asking more questions and trying to find out more. I think of all that is ahead for Q’s 5 year old and am so excited for him. He’s a very smart and creative little person so I know that school is going to be a great thing for him.

2014 thus far has been such a whirlwind and fog all at the same time that I spent a good deal of the summer thinking about priorities and desires, values, and trying to focus on what matters. After the crazy time of cleaning out houses, donating goods, and having yard sales, I spent much of July and August just trying to connect with family, friends, concentrate on work, and relaxation. It was mostly successful. I spent a week on a Canadian roadtrip with my mother two weeks ago that was everything we both needed ( more on that in an upcoming post).

After feeling like I lost a limb with the sudden unexpected death of my Dad, I finally feel like I have a little bit of direction and purpose again. The sadness and sense of loss is still present everyday, but I’m learning much better how to function and also, to be kind with myself as life happens. For example–  my yard. Q & I spent much of the summer doing yard work and wondering how my father did all the work himself. He made my house look wonderful and even though I thanked him regularly, I don’t think he realizes how much of a stress he took away from me by taking on the landscaping, though I know he was quite thankful when Q started mowing the lawn. I spent the better part of spring and early summer just baffled by what to do in the yard and feeling like anything I did wasn’t good enough & feeling guilty for not weeding as much as my Dad did and everything else. It took me a while to get away from that, but as we sat more in the backyard and enjoyed the little kiddie pool with Q’s son, I realized we were making it our own and enjoying it, which is all that my Dad would have wanted.

I know I have been very hard on myself in wanting to be supportive and there for my family in as many ways as I can ( a trait I definitely get from my father), but I have to make myself a priority too so with the spirit of the new school year and new beginnings in mind, I’m refocusing on what’s important and what means the most to me.

Here’s to refocusing and committing to me!