I almost dislike that I’m making a post about weight and body image because I think it has become ridiculous how obsessed with skinny the media and many people are. At the same time, I want to put myself out there because I think it’s important that people talk about being somewhat different body types and recognize that beautiful is any person, no matter the dress size.
This is me at age 21, probably 125-130 or so pounds.
And this is me in September 2011, weighing probably 30 or 40 pounds more than I did in college
( I really need to get in the habit of taking recent photos).
It’s hard to tell because of the closeness of one shot over the other, but I have noticeably bigger arms, fuller face, and bigger curvy womanly parts.
And that’s pretty awesome, in my opinion. Not awesome in the “I’m proud I’ve gained weight” way. But awesome in that I can look at myself now and see the beauty of all my parts and less on the flaws. The chart that my doctor showed me at my physical told me that at 5’2″ and currently 170 pounds, I am obese. I don’t need to rant here about the ridiculousness of those chart and whatever scientific equation puts me in the obese range when my blood pressure, cholesterol, and eating/exercising habits are all in the very healthy range.
Yes, I emotionally ate my way through a separation, divorce, and budget hell. And I joke around that my divorce brought me some pounds of emotional baggage in the form of a muffin top. Of course, genetics and hormones also account for some things- not much I can do about the same breasts & hips that I share with all the women in my family almost across the board ( it’s easy to see how we all fit together even if we don’t share facial features haha!)
But for the first time in a really long time- if ever- I finally feel great in my skin. I used to get upset about having to buy a large in a shirt to accommodate my chest. I’ve learned I look far larger trying to squeeze the twins into a medium that is clearly not the right size. I don’t dread getting dressed for work in the morning because I can’t find a pair of pants that I can sit comfortably all day in because all the clothes in my closet fit the body I have now and each item is something I love.
That’s not to say that there aren’t those girly days when I still feel a little gross and hate that I’m not a size 6 any longer. And it’s incredibly frustrating when shopping and the clothing manufacturer world forgets that a real woman is not a sample size 2 and 5’10”. But those days seem to be fewer and far between because I’m confident in who I am and I know they are fleeting thoughts fixed easily with a quick walk and some perspective.
I think the best part of this whole thing is not feeling guilty or beating myself up. I understand the consequences of choosing ice cream over vegetables. I am practicing more healthy habits for my long-term health and well-being, not to fit in a dress from years ago. I don’t have a number in mind for my ideal weight or size- I want to make the right healthy decisions for my life and situation as a gift of self-love to myself.
Has your idea of body image and weight loss changed as you have gotten older?