For the next two weeks, I will participating in the Scintilla Project and telling my stories via daily prompts. Check it out here!
Since the summer of 2011, I’ve had many series of firsts, many occurring right after the other. Separating from a husband and starting the process of divorce is one of those life changes that throw your world helter skelter. For me, it meant being single again for the first time in over five years, probably more since even before I starting dating my husband, I was frequently dating since I was 16. The summer of 2011 marked the beginning of the first time I had never had a romantic relationship in my life.
It brought so many other firsts- first time I’d needed to consult a lawyer, first time I shoveled my own driveway solo, and first time I started and made a fire in my own fireplace.
But it’s also the first time I’ve lived alone- something that I find equal parts thrilling and scary (with some embarrassment that it took me till age 28 to achieve this first). The first night I was all by myself, living solo, not surrounded by my ex’s belongings and totally in my own space- was unbelievably amazing. I basked in how quiet and peaceful it felt. I drank a glass of wine and read in the silence, taking solace in spending an evening exactly as I wanted. I allowed myself to feel all the things that were swirling through my head- the excitement, the fear, the sadness, the anger, the anticipation. I woke up the next morning to a sun filled room and the satisfaction that my life was filled with joy and newness. I took in the quiet, sun filled morning with a cup of tea and a smile because I had arrived at the destination I set out on in July- happiness. Yes, the road to a new life was just beginning and had many steps still to take and bumps in path that I could not have imagined, but this first- this taking in my surroundings that I created- was the step in living my most honest and true life.
This first has led to more firsts and see that life is a series of firsts and new beginnings and starting overs. The ability to reset my life so that I have all these opportunities for new things is daunting and overwhelming, but the pure joy of knowing it’s of my own creation is incredibly amazing.
Yay to all these firsts and MANY MORE!!!!
That is a powerful first to have experienced, that first night and morning. They must be real comfort to you on the hard days. I can picture both the tea and the wine… both go well with solitude, to me.
This is a wonderful post, Kristen. Thank you for joining in!
Funny how different things come from this post. I would imagine that there was a lot of sadness and anger; but, I celebrate the newness of your life and the firsts that change brings to you!
I look forward to reading more of your Scintilla posts!
And btw, thanks for posting… I’m going to see if this is feasible for me to do right now too.
I know what you mean about the joy of your own creation. We draw real pride and strength from making our own homes. Thank you for sharing your story, and I’m looking forward to reading the rest of your Scintilla posts.
You are brave and I can’t imagine how that first taste of solitude felt to you; it must have been wonderful and terrifying all at once.